I took the medicine twice, now i feel much better firtubately. I watched the tv program truth on sbs which dealt with the ingamous serial rapist and sadistic killer recently identified as lee chion jae. He was reportedly living in hwasung area kyung ki province. I thought that i know of these cases well. But i realized that he the culprit was much more cruel and horrible than i guessed. The expert who was interviewed in the program explained that he kind of envied maybe even richer and nice lioking people. That is, especially women and young girls who are far weaker and helpless than himself. He was told to ask the victims such questions as do you have a husband, what does he do for a living...he did not enter the univ, and he worked at a factory. He could have envied richer and smarter people with college degrees and decent jobs. I once lived in suwon, whch is near hwasung, the crime place. I addition, i used to teach at habshin univ which is also near hwasung. So, i felt very clise to these serial sadistic rape and homicides. They were not far from me. It was the crime that could hapoen to me.
Sometimes I feel envious of married woman who are also rich with promising husbands and cute kids. Even in the church i don't feel comfortable when i unknowingly compare myself to such women. But now i realize that is very unhealthy a d harmful way. Even such happy looking women have ther own troubles and agonies. I have my own good things just because i stayed single. I got my doctoral degree, i taught at univ as a lecturer, i translated several books, i have one translated and published by name. I published my 2 e books. I worked at offices. Now i teach free talking in English which not everyone can do, actually only a few can do. That is why i am proud of myself. And now i try to make a good habit, not suffering from old bad habits. I am doing a good job, i think. Only try to fill my heart with thanks and joy in god...